I Love running.

I run, a lot.

I have been running for decades.

I have completed 25 marathons. This fall I’ll be running the New York City Marathon (for the 11th time) and then, in January, I’ll do the Dopey Challenge at Disney World.

Tomorrow, I turn 56-years-old.

I still play baseball as a pitcher. I exercise every single day, usually twice a day. This (of course) includes a lot of running.

I run, a lot.

I just calculated my total lifetime miles run. To date, I have run 28,433 miles. I have run more miles than the circumfrence of the world, with about 3,500 more miles to spare.

I see myself as much younger than I am. Often times. At least. But sometimes, my goodness, sometimes, I wonder how much more I have in the tank.

I think, i really do, I think I have a lot more in the tank.

But, even with that, as I ramp up my miles for my marathon training, I wonder, “How many more marathons do I have in me?”

Worse, because this is the question that kills, I wonder, “How many more marathons do I even need to run?”

Even worse, I wonder, “Why am I doing this… again?”

***

One easy answer why I’m doing this again is that part of me lives for the joy and the thrill and the wonder of the New York City Marathon. That’s an experience like none other. It’s wonderful, horrible, joyful, painful, and exhilirating and exhausting all in one – all at the same times, in fact.

I’m never as tired as I am after I finish a marathon.

And I’m also never so full of life and positive energy.

“I did it.”

If one can run a marathon, he can do anything.

As for the Dopey Challenge: four races in four days at Disney World, a 5k, a 10K, a half-marathon, followed by a full marathon, well, that’s something I have wanted (needed) to do for about ten years. I’ll finally have the chance to do it.

I must do it.

But then what?

***

By the time spring rolls around next year, I will have 27 marathons under my belt.

I will have eclipsed 30,000 total running miles.

I’ll be wondering about the 2025 New York City Marathon.

But each day, as I get older, and slower, and even though nobody believes me, I’m starting to wonder if these coming two marathons will be my final ones.

How many more times do I need to punish my body?

When is enough…enough?

***

When I talk about “retiring” from marathon racing, most people I know sort of laugh. They then look at me in a funny way and say, “Yeah, right.”

There was a period when I quit marathons every single time I’d run them.

“I don’t need this any more,” I’d say.

When I ran the Pittsburgh Marathon in 2022, I spent the entire second half of the race quitting marathoning for good, once and for all. Absolutely. I was done.

But then I found myself at another start line.

And another…

***

I am not considering giving up running. No. I don’t think I can live without running.

Exercise, also, is too much part of my daily life. I run. I lift weights. I ride my stationary bike. I play baseball. I walk. I occasionally hike.

No, no, no. I have far too much energy to sit around all day. I’d go out of my mind sitting around all day.

But I do wonder if I still want to run marathons. I wonder if I still want to spend long days doing long runs preparing for the long struggle.

I’m starting to think that after these next two big races, that I’ll give up this loney sport.

When is enough…enough?